As I have gotten older, I find myself occasionally pondering my past. I don’t live there, but now and again during moments of self-reflection — some history pops up. And as with most Humans, I see All. The. Things. I did ‘wrong’. All the places and moments when I could have and should have done better, been kinder, caused less heartbreak. I realize I am not being led to these memories to beat myself up over any of them. I am being led there to learn how to forgive the most important Human in the equation: Myself.
We can all point out moments in our lives when we were not our ‘Best Selves’. Life is full of such lessons. Every. Single. Life. I believe where we start to slide down the slippery slope of misery and regret is when we forget that particular point.
Everyone everywhere is not perfect at living. There is no such animal as a perfect Human or perfect Life. I have noticed that it has always been much easier for me to forgive others for their Humanity. And much harder for me to forgive myself that same condition. The truth for most of us, for most of our time here, is that we are always hardest on ourselves.
Perhaps it is because we hear the voices and think we understand the motivations that drive us to harm others or ourselves. While we can give others the benefit of the doubt, our psyche holds no secrets as to the whys of our behaviors. We have no excuses. We felt the anger; we retaliated the hurt. We didn’t even try to be a ‘better’ Human.
Time, distance, and age are our friends when we view our past through the lens of forgiveness. There is nothing we can do about the past — it’s gone. Life can not be undone. The only time we have where we can make a difference in our lives or the lives of others is Now — This Moment.
Because I have been thinking about what a bad Human I had been in days gone by, The Universe led me to read The Buddhist On Death Row by David Sheff. It always happens like that — the synchronicities arrive if you are just are open to them. But I digress.
This book made me take a good hard look at redemption and forgiveness. I may have had moments in My Life that I wish I could claim a re-do on, but none of my various ‘sins’ could ever be labeled as criminal. And yet, as we all know, even the criminal is worthy of redemption. All. The. Souls. Everywhere. No. Matter. What. are creations of The Universe and are loved by The Divine.
No exceptions. So why not us? Why not me? Namaste.